More thoughts on forgiveness

If forgiveness is important for my own sake, not just for the person who harmed me, why is it sometimes so hard to forgive? There are times when it seems that no matter how hard I try or how much I recognize that I need to let go and forgive, I just can’t seem to do it on my own. Those are the times when I need someone or something to help me push past the pain that I’m feeling to a place of forgiveness.

Sometimes talking things through with a trusted friend or counselor will help me work through what I’m feeling and break through to that place of forgiving and finding my own freedom. What blocks me, though, is often the sense that it’s just not right, that the hurt was too deep to let go without some form of repayment. No amount of talking or reasoning is enough to get past the feelings that rise up.

So what can I do? Where can I turn to find the release and the freedom that comes from forgiving? What about when I am the one who has done something and cannot seem to forgive myself? That can be the hardest of all. I am my own worst critic, finding fault with my own motives and actions. I should know better; how could I do that; what’s wrong with me—the questions and the guilt go on and on. How can I extend forgiveness to myself and to others?

There must be a resource that goes beyond my own abilities and strength, or forgiveness is an impossible goal, no matter how much I know that I need to do it for myself. If there is nothing and no one greater than my own strength and will, I am lost—there will inevitably be times when that is not enough. That is where faith becomes critical. What do I believe, and where do I place my faith and trust? As a follower of Jesus, I have found the resource that I need to extend and receive forgiveness. Jesus made the payment for all the wrong that has been done and all the wrong that will be done both to me and by me. If I believe that (and I do), then there is no longer need for repayment for the things that have hurt me; payment has been made in full. That still does not take away the pain or the consequences of the wrong, but instead of staying locked in that place of hurt, there is somewhere to turn for comfort and release. I turn my attention from the wrong and on to what Jesus has done, and that changes my perspective, giving me the will and the ability to forgive.

Simple? Yes and no; in one sense, it is really that simple—I can forgive because I know what it is to be forgiven. There is still a process and feelings that I have to work through before I get to that place of release, and that can take time.

October 21, 2007