What the world needs now is love

What’s love got to do with it? There are so many songs, stories, and poems that have been written about love. What is love, anyways? Why do we have such a fascination with it—why is love so important to us?

There are many definitions for love, and many opinions as to what it is. Some would say that it is a strong affection or liking; a physical attraction; an emotion or feeling. We say “I love you” to our spouse, our parents, our children, our friends. We say it as well about our pets, food, clothes, sports, and more. Do we mean the same in every case, or is it something significantly different depending upon the context? I love chocolate, but I do not mean the same thing when I say I love my spouse or child by any means.

When I talk about loving things—food, clothes, movies, and so on—I really mean that I am fond of those things and prefer them to other similar things. The love I have for the people in my life is far different. I am not just fond of them or prefer them to others like them; no, this love goes much deeper. Love, real, lasting love, is more than a feeling of affection or a physical attraction. Yes, I have a deep, strong affection for the people in my life, and there definitely is a physical attraction to my spouse. If it stopped there, however, this love might not stand the test of time. My parents were married for 34 years, until my father’s death. They had their ups and downs, but they stayed together and loved one another through it all. I remember my mother saying that she loved my father, but she did not always like him. What she was really saying was that there were times he did things she did not appreciate or even made her mad, but that did not change her commitment to him or to their relationship. If her love had been just a strong affection or a physical attraction, it would not have lasted through the times she did not like him. There had to be an element of commitment, a decision that was made long ago to love regardless of whether or not it felt good all the time.

Too often these days love seems to be offered with hidden strings attached. If you make me feel good, if you buy me gifts, if you do not tick me off, then I will love you and stay with you. As soon as the conditions are not met and the warm fuzzy feeling is missing for even a short time, the relationship is over and we aren’t “in love” with that person any more. We would rather be the first to bail out rather than risk having the other person dump us and being hurt. What we really long for, though, is someone who will love us when we are unlovable, when we don’t even like ourselves.

That kind of love is much more than a feeling. It takes a commitment to the relationship that says regardless of what you do or do not do, I am going to love you. That is a risky proposition; what if the other person is not willing to commit to me to the same degree? I could end up getting hurt. How can I take that chance? But that is the point, isn’t it? If I want someone to love me whether I am capable of loving in return or not; there is someone who desperately wants me to offer love the same way to him or her.

It would be so much easier to take that risk, of offering love without any strings attached, if there were someone who had done that for me first. I have found that someone to love me absolutely, unconditionally; it is Jesus. There is a security in knowing that I am loved by someone who knows everything about me that makes taking risks by loving others less intimidating. Being loved so completely frees me to love others without demanding anything from them in return. I am not saying I do that perfectly, by any means, but it is easier to love another without expecting anything in return when I have experienced unconditional love myself. If the person I love is abusive in some way, however, I may need to separate myself from him or her for safety. Love does not mean being foolish about abuse; no one should have to endure physical or emotional abuse for the sake of staying in a relationship. That would be unhealthy for both parties.

I am blessed with a wonderful spouse who is as committed to me as I am to him, and the longer we are married, the more love we have for one another. Not everyone is as fortunate in that regard, but everyone can experience the love that Jesus offers. If you would like more information about how to do that, please send us a note at feedback@g3-rains.com.

November 11, 2007